dear sqeak
I had finals this week. not so much easy as they were hard. i studied pretty much all day on wed, as two of my major finals were thursday. at some point i realized it was time to go get some food, so i took my notes and note cards and went to addamo. i sat at the little bar they have, and as i was studying, i started to do what comes naturally to me...eavesdropping...
as i started to listen, i pick up on five women behind me, all bitching about their marriages. my husband does this, my husband doesn't do that, blah blah blah, life is so hard, he didn't used to be like this, my dad wasn't like this, blah blah, blah. as i am hearing all this negativity, i start to realize that wow, this is bumming out EVEN me. hello, me. I am the one who views marriage as suffocation, or a deathwish of sorts, and THEY are bumming ME out... wow...
and then i thought about how often i spew my negative views and bad experiences onto my sister(s), and what a downer it must be to them. i thought about how unfair and thoughtless that is of me. i thought about how awkward that makes things. you know, it's difficult to relax and be happy and believe in good things that come your way, if someone is always spitting negative poison on you. i would never want my sister to feel guilty becuase she is happy, or wonder if i would support the idea of her getting married. i want her to know that when the time comes, whenever that is, ten years or one, i will be genuinely happy for her, and that i will support and believe in her happiness 100%.
dear squeak,
don't be like me. believe in love. believe in fairy tales. believe and be sweet. be unspoiled. be hopeful.
don't be harsh. don't be negative.
make your own story. enjoy your life. enjoy love. take it slowly and savor every moment.
for some reason, sometimes it's hard for us to embrace relationships. we feel awkward, pressured. it's unfair, and wrong. blow that off and refuse to feel that way. be melissa. i love you, and i deeply apologize for the damage that i may have done with my words, and behaviors.
i love you
as i started to listen, i pick up on five women behind me, all bitching about their marriages. my husband does this, my husband doesn't do that, blah blah blah, life is so hard, he didn't used to be like this, my dad wasn't like this, blah blah, blah. as i am hearing all this negativity, i start to realize that wow, this is bumming out EVEN me. hello, me. I am the one who views marriage as suffocation, or a deathwish of sorts, and THEY are bumming ME out... wow...
and then i thought about how often i spew my negative views and bad experiences onto my sister(s), and what a downer it must be to them. i thought about how unfair and thoughtless that is of me. i thought about how awkward that makes things. you know, it's difficult to relax and be happy and believe in good things that come your way, if someone is always spitting negative poison on you. i would never want my sister to feel guilty becuase she is happy, or wonder if i would support the idea of her getting married. i want her to know that when the time comes, whenever that is, ten years or one, i will be genuinely happy for her, and that i will support and believe in her happiness 100%.
dear squeak,
don't be like me. believe in love. believe in fairy tales. believe and be sweet. be unspoiled. be hopeful.
don't be harsh. don't be negative.
make your own story. enjoy your life. enjoy love. take it slowly and savor every moment.
for some reason, sometimes it's hard for us to embrace relationships. we feel awkward, pressured. it's unfair, and wrong. blow that off and refuse to feel that way. be melissa. i love you, and i deeply apologize for the damage that i may have done with my words, and behaviors.
i love you
This entry was posted by .: Amanda :.
on Thursday, May 24, 2007 at 9:19 PM.
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number one. i'm angry you made me cry...literally BURST into tears. number two. my name is spelled wrong in the title. number three. i love you immensely. i've never EVER been spoiled or impacted negatively by your view on marriage. i've seen what my siblings have been through, yes. every good and bad moment, but does that tarnish hope? no! i have a hope for you even greater than my own. my baby nephew deserves for his mommy to not only be happy and healthy, but also worry free and complete. you can worry about the dangers of the playground, how many oreos his uncles give him, and that he's just too spoiled; but those should be your only concerns. you don't spew poison like the girls in the restaurant, you carefully deliver words of wisdom through experience. my best friend should always be able to talk to me frankly, wether it be through crying, bitchin, dumping, or story-telling. my life is and will be defined by a series of choices and conditionals, and never once have i felt that my choices were limited because of the relationship we've had (and will have til we're living together in a trailer and jack brings us potato salad *because we'll have both lost our dentures by then*). i love you sis, you're my mother (haha) and my best friend since birth. my inspiration and my hero.
i love you,
squeak
This made me cry, you are a great sister and a wonderful person
wow. Obviously, this was, "pre-in love". I can see where you WERE coming from. Don't be so hard on yourself, and please don't make Melis cry, please!
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