last night
was so much fun. i love summertime. i love that i'm not stressed out, i'm not in school, and i am spending shitloads of time with my son.
last night we wrestled and raced and had horsie rides. We rolled in the mud, and played keep away for close to an hour. the bridge cd was playing loudly, and both jack and i were sweating and breathing hard. it was freaking beautiful. non-stop laughs.
at one point we were both so flipping exhausted that we were just laying on my pallet, panting, with the music playing loudly in the background. my son took this opportunity to jump on my stomach, and i thought my heart might explode. the love that i have for jack is unrivaled, and unparalleled. it cannot be explained, it cannot be dimmed.
that kid has MADE my life. i am so thankful for him. i would not be half of the person i am had it not been for him. at times i have wondered why i couldn't get pregnant when i was married, but i got knocked up instantly with jeff. i wondered why God would let my life go that route.
i don't so much wonder any more. i can see the beauty and the purposefulness (probably not really a word) in the way jack came about.
he saved my life. because of jack, i came out of my depression, i came out of my shame and my death. i lacked so much life before him. i was melancholy and satisfied with less than i should've been.
i want so many things for him, and because i do, it makes me want things for myself. i want to live my life out in front of him in a way that will make him proud of me, and help shape him to be the best man he can be.
i have already learned so much because of him. i have changed so much because of him. i am so proud of him.
last night we wrestled and raced and had horsie rides. We rolled in the mud, and played keep away for close to an hour. the bridge cd was playing loudly, and both jack and i were sweating and breathing hard. it was freaking beautiful. non-stop laughs.
at one point we were both so flipping exhausted that we were just laying on my pallet, panting, with the music playing loudly in the background. my son took this opportunity to jump on my stomach, and i thought my heart might explode. the love that i have for jack is unrivaled, and unparalleled. it cannot be explained, it cannot be dimmed.
that kid has MADE my life. i am so thankful for him. i would not be half of the person i am had it not been for him. at times i have wondered why i couldn't get pregnant when i was married, but i got knocked up instantly with jeff. i wondered why God would let my life go that route.
i don't so much wonder any more. i can see the beauty and the purposefulness (probably not really a word) in the way jack came about.
he saved my life. because of jack, i came out of my depression, i came out of my shame and my death. i lacked so much life before him. i was melancholy and satisfied with less than i should've been.
i want so many things for him, and because i do, it makes me want things for myself. i want to live my life out in front of him in a way that will make him proud of me, and help shape him to be the best man he can be.
i have already learned so much because of him. i have changed so much because of him. i am so proud of him.
This entry was posted by .: Amanda :.
on Thursday, July 12, 2007 at 3:15 PM.
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Amanda,
I havent click on your blogg since June and to my suprise three new post *yay*
First you are amazing mom and anyone can see the love you have for him in your pictures,#2 your relationship with you brother makes me want a to have a son so Lily and him can have that type of bond. I love the way you speak of him ,he is a wonderful guy I think one of my first memeories of him ,he was talking about his sisters . #3" If I CAN READ INTO YOUR BLOG... I sat next to the"Market" at a wedding reception a few weeks back. and he seems to be doing find(happy in a new relationship) ....he talked our ear off the whole time ha ha
Lastly Jack is so so cute and I love that he a man's man already fixing cars and stuff -I think that's Lily type of guy anyways ;)
much love to you and the fam
Janea
You make my heart leap! I am PROUD to be your dad! I love you more than I can express
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