feb 9
man. some days are rough.
i don't know what to say. i feel like i've been cying all day, yet not one tear has fallen. i am exhausted, and stuck. uh. for one minute. i had so much hope. i was full of expectations and plans and freedom. i was light as a feather, and nothing could touch me. i could do anything, be anything, live my life how i saw fit. there was a new feeling of security, and a feeling of being carefree like i rarely feel. it was like the most beautiful summer day, and you know you have the day off. it was like the most relaxing, peaceful, beautiful vacation you could ever go on.
then as quickly as it came it was gone. the sky clouded over, and it got cold. the sun was hidden behind the clouds, and all my fears and all those strings that control so much of my life returned. i no longer can call my own shots, my days again are not my own. what little time i have to enjoy in life, you are taking captive. again. still. the fear that i hadn't felt in my heart again is squeezing. it is so suffocating that at times it is difficult to breathe. this blows.
stop feeling sorry for yourself amanda. be happy that you caught a brief break. be thankful that you had a couple of the most beautiful days you could've ever imagined. grow up. life is only as it will be.
i don't know what to say. i feel like i've been cying all day, yet not one tear has fallen. i am exhausted, and stuck. uh. for one minute. i had so much hope. i was full of expectations and plans and freedom. i was light as a feather, and nothing could touch me. i could do anything, be anything, live my life how i saw fit. there was a new feeling of security, and a feeling of being carefree like i rarely feel. it was like the most beautiful summer day, and you know you have the day off. it was like the most relaxing, peaceful, beautiful vacation you could ever go on.
then as quickly as it came it was gone. the sky clouded over, and it got cold. the sun was hidden behind the clouds, and all my fears and all those strings that control so much of my life returned. i no longer can call my own shots, my days again are not my own. what little time i have to enjoy in life, you are taking captive. again. still. the fear that i hadn't felt in my heart again is squeezing. it is so suffocating that at times it is difficult to breathe. this blows.
stop feeling sorry for yourself amanda. be happy that you caught a brief break. be thankful that you had a couple of the most beautiful days you could've ever imagined. grow up. life is only as it will be.
This entry was posted by .: Amanda :.
on Tuesday, March 18, 2008 at 2:52 PM.
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