revelations
this weekend jared, gina and the girls were here. i took the all kids to feed the ducks on monday morning. seeing three car seats side by side and watching my son interact with his cousins took my breath away. to see him so happy and playful and childish was a moment of beauty. as i was driving and watching the kids tickle each other from their car seats, i realized that i want more kids. with everything in me, i want jack to grow up and exist in a family with siblings. i want for him what i had growing up. i love that kid with an immeasurable love, but no type of love i can give him can possibly substitue for having that sibling love. that companionship and built in friendship. i want jack to have the built in security of family.
my love for jack makes my heart want to explode. i can't imagine what my heart would do with more. as i considered how strongly i feel about my son, a friend pointed out that i have now experienced a tiny slice of what God feels. this insight blew my mind. the reality is that God wants all His children. all of us. each of us make His heart explode. and He desires more. He wants us in families. He wants us secure. He wants us surrounded and loved.
as i was putting jack to bed, we were praying like we always do. we hug throughout the bedtime prayer. in an instant, i was overcome with emotion. i hugged him and said, "i love you son"...with a seriousness i couldn't have anticipatied, he replied, "i love you mommy". uh someone kill me. i have thanked God a million times for my son, but tonight was different. tonight i was having a hard time keeping my eyes dry as i said it. i appreciate my son so much. the fact that God knew exactly what He was doing when He breathed life into me blows my mind. jack is my love. jack is my passion in life, and i am supremely blessed to have him.
my love for jack makes my heart want to explode. i can't imagine what my heart would do with more. as i considered how strongly i feel about my son, a friend pointed out that i have now experienced a tiny slice of what God feels. this insight blew my mind. the reality is that God wants all His children. all of us. each of us make His heart explode. and He desires more. He wants us in families. He wants us secure. He wants us surrounded and loved.
as i was putting jack to bed, we were praying like we always do. we hug throughout the bedtime prayer. in an instant, i was overcome with emotion. i hugged him and said, "i love you son"...with a seriousness i couldn't have anticipatied, he replied, "i love you mommy". uh someone kill me. i have thanked God a million times for my son, but tonight was different. tonight i was having a hard time keeping my eyes dry as i said it. i appreciate my son so much. the fact that God knew exactly what He was doing when He breathed life into me blows my mind. jack is my love. jack is my passion in life, and i am supremely blessed to have him.
This entry was posted by .: Amanda :.
on Wednesday, May 28, 2008 at 8:22 PM.
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Whether said by Ghandi or John Lennon or Martin Luther King Jr or John the apostle or Amanda, words of love can penetrate the darkest night or the coldest wind. Your expression of love in your post is so gripping that it makes it obvious that english sucks as a language. You have so much love within you: philia, storge, agape... Thanks for sharing with us a small view or window into it.
Wow. Wow. And wow again. Never once have I doubted your love for Jack, but reading this has really opened my eyes as to what "love of your child" really does mean. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you are by far, on the top 3 of best mothers that I've ever seen, next to my own sister in law, of course. It's amazing to watch you raise your son, and he really is a little man, and a good one at that. But also know just how lucky that little man is, and how good of a job you're doing, even on your worst of days. And FYI, there's only one way to give Jack a sibling. I'm just saying...
love you for all the days. Oh, I'm anonymous because I can't remember my password...lol...my bad.
I am crying. I think this blog is so much more than you just being a mom and loving your amazing son. I think this blog shows you believe in life again. That you want what life wants to give you even if its not the right time or its complicated. Your love for ur son is a selfless extrodinary love that I cant began to understand.(I never get to understand lol) I appreciate and respect the mother that you are. Funny I just texted jack and he told me he wants siblings.
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