The last couple days, maybe the last couple weeks, have been pretty intense. I am full of frustration to the point that i am unable to shake it off
Today came, as it always does, and it was eh... i started to get stressed out around 1, when i realized i still had a list as long as my arm of things to accomplish, and i had to be at work in four hours, not to mention jack was awake, which makes everything more difficult to do....
When i finally left the house after putting my love down for his nap, it was 345. which meant all i had time to do was pay bills, and go to the bank...i started to feel the squeeze. you know, the one where your breathing is more intense and your heart beat is amplified. i started feeling frustrated... SO FRUSTRATED...
this is very A-typical for me. i can usually shake this off....
i got to work about 15 minutes early. i was listening to some music and singing out my frustration...then i realized that i had a BIBLE in the back of my car. decided to crack it and see what happens... the next 15 minutes were fantastic. i began to read in I Kings 17 about Elijah, when God caused no rain to fall in Israel.
Basically God decided it wasn't gonna rain in Israel to gain the attention of or punish king Ahab. and HE used Elijah to make that happen. as soon as Elijah delivers the bad news, he basically runs off and hides. God tells him to hide by this certain brook, so he will have water, and that the ravens will bring him food. Then the brook dries up....then God says for Elijah to go AT ONCE to a new place...
i'm just saying, i was reading this and i'm thinking, how hard is it to be Elijah? he's sitting there knowing it's not gonna rain anytime soon, and he can obviously see that his little brook is drying up. BUT HE WAITS. he is patient. the Bible doesn't say that he whined to God and said, um....hello??? the brook is drying up.... it says that "THE BROOK DRIED UP BECAUSE THERE HAD BEEN NO RAIN", and then, God tells him to go "at once".
Intense.
part 2 of this is that when Elijah reached the next place God sent him, he needed some food. so he tells a widow to bring him some bread. she informs him that not only doesn't she have any bread, but also, she has only a handful of flour and oil at home. just enough in fact that she is going to go home and make her and her son one last meal before they die. (yeah, wow) Elijah tells her to do that, but first to make him a small bread, and that God will make sure her oil and flour don't run out until God causes it to rain on the land. she is obedient. and by her obedience, saves her sons life and her own life.
this is the thing. this lady's life was dry. she was tired. she was hungry. she was empty. she was prepared literally for the worst-death. her own death, and as a parent, the only thing that's worse. the death of your child. a strange man came to her, and instead of thinking about herself and her own problems, she gave. she gave out of her lack. she gave when every instinct says to self-preserve. be selfish. hold onto that last shred of what will keep you alive.
i have bread in my house. i am not hurting for food. what i don't have is energy. bounce. life. what little life and energy i have left after jack school and work, i want to preserve. i want to sleep. i want to hang on and relish every moment of quiet and alone time i can get. but when i am alone, i find myself frustrated...horribly ridiculously frustrated...
that's the key right there. when you literally have nothing in you to give, nothing in your cupboards to give, nothing left in your wallet to give,
give. the moment that i realized this, my frustration cleared. i realized that i was gonna walk into work, and give out of what i do not posses. i was gonna bust my ass and give energy and smiles that i don't have. and i did. and i walked out of there stress-free. frustration-free.
I believe that when we give to others, especially if it's something that costs us whether physically, emotionally, or time-wise, God does supernatural things on our behalf. I am at peace right now. For the first time in days. true peace. am i busy? yes. do i have more things to do than there are hours in the day? yes.
