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revelations

Wednesday, May 28, 2008
this weekend jared, gina and the girls were here. i took the all kids to feed the ducks on monday morning. seeing three car seats side by side and watching my son interact with his cousins took my breath away. to see him so happy and playful and childish was a moment of beauty. as i was driving and watching the kids tickle each other from their car seats, i realized that i want more kids. with everything in me, i want jack to grow up and exist in a family with siblings. i want for him what i had growing up. i love that kid with an immeasurable love, but no type of love i can give him can possibly substitue for having that sibling love. that companionship and built in friendship. i want jack to have the built in security of family.

my love for jack makes my heart want to explode. i can't imagine what my heart would do with more. as i considered how strongly i feel about my son, a friend pointed out that i have now experienced a tiny slice of what God feels. this insight blew my mind. the reality is that God wants all His children. all of us. each of us make His heart explode. and He desires more. He wants us in families. He wants us secure. He wants us surrounded and loved.

as i was putting jack to bed, we were praying like we always do. we hug throughout the bedtime prayer. in an instant, i was overcome with emotion. i hugged him and said, "i love you son"...with a seriousness i couldn't have anticipatied, he replied, "i love you mommy". uh someone kill me. i have thanked God a million times for my son, but tonight was different. tonight i was having a hard time keeping my eyes dry as i said it. i appreciate my son so much. the fact that God knew exactly what He was doing when He breathed life into me blows my mind. jack is my love. jack is my passion in life, and i am supremely blessed to have him.

strawberries and celebrations

Saturday, May 24, 2008
today jack and i went to the strawberry festival.

i love the strawberry festival. i love walking around in the throngs of people, and dodging those i know. lol. i love the delicious strawberry treats that are absolutely everywhere. i love the terriyaki on a stick, the fresh roasted corn, the cotton candy, the ridiculous and enormous drinks made out of pineapples. i love that there are live infomercials going at all time...i saw one for "the chopper" (similar to the magic bullet). it was amazing. but since i am me and not melissa or my dad, i didn't buy one. lol. i love watching families together, and kids getting their faces painted. i love the popcorn and the games. i love the loud noise and the smells. i even cracked up when i heard a mother SCREAMING at her children. "I SAID WALK! JESUS, DO YOU WANT ME TO FALL OVER BACKWARDS?!" (typically screaming mothers don't have a humorous effect on me, but you should've seen this lady..cotton candy in one hand, pushing a baby stroller, her two teenage kids who are pissed to be in public with her, her husband is eyeing either some art, or a female...and she is irate. so funny)

i love the art for sale, watercolors and oil paintings of ridiculous flowers that belong in old peoples houses.i love the caricaturist. i've always wanted to get one drawn, but i never want to wait through the line. i love the purse and wallet and sunglasses booths, who swear the price is $30, but change their tune as soon as you turn to leave. i love the fact that there and(hopefully)only there did i see a man wearing the equivalent of a Hawaiian shirt, but the print was speed racer. wow. lol. i love the fact that i have memories of being a little kid there, and that you can walk forever.

i love when it's just jack and i. i love being alone with him and having him all to myself. i appreciate other people, and my family for always being there for us, but it is so nice when it's just jack and i, with nobody texing me, no one calling, and we just get to enjoy even a short half hour with each other....i love being able to focus all my energy purely and only on him. he needs it. i need it. i heart the strawberry festival.