( o f : A m a n d a )

I had finals this week. not so much easy as they were hard. i studied pretty much all day on wed, as two of my major finals were thursday. at some point i realized it was time to go get some food, so i took my notes and note cards and went to addamo. i sat at the little bar they have, and as i was studying, i started to do what comes naturally to me...eavesdropping...

as i started to listen, i pick up on five women behind me, all bitching about their marriages. my husband does this, my husband doesn't do that, blah blah blah, life is so hard, he didn't used to be like this, my dad wasn't like this, blah blah, blah. as i am hearing all this negativity, i start to realize that wow, this is bumming out EVEN me. hello, me. I am the one who views marriage as suffocation, or a deathwish of sorts, and THEY are bumming ME out... wow...

and then i thought about how often i spew my negative views and bad experiences onto my sister(s), and what a downer it must be to them. i thought about how unfair and thoughtless that is of me. i thought about how awkward that makes things. you know, it's difficult to relax and be happy and believe in good things that come your way, if someone is always spitting negative poison on you. i would never want my sister to feel guilty becuase she is happy, or wonder if i would support the idea of her getting married. i want her to know that when the time comes, whenever that is, ten years or one, i will be genuinely happy for her, and that i will support and believe in her happiness 100%.

dear squeak,

don't be like me. believe in love. believe in fairy tales. believe and be sweet. be unspoiled. be hopeful.
don't be harsh. don't be negative.
make your own story. enjoy your life. enjoy love. take it slowly and savor every moment.

for some reason, sometimes it's hard for us to embrace relationships. we feel awkward, pressured. it's unfair, and wrong. blow that off and refuse to feel that way. be melissa. i love you, and i deeply apologize for the damage that i may have done with my words, and behaviors.

i love you

so a couple days ago i officially turned 25. that's right, i'm halfway to fifty! score! anyways, i have had a migraine for several days, and so i wasn't particularly excited about it. my plans were to study, go to the dr, and go to work. my sister and friends had other plans for me however. at ten thirty i put jack down for his nap, and left him in my mom's capable hands. melissa then drove me to sycamore springs, where i found out i was in for a spa day...let me just say, everyone should do this at least once in their lives...amazing! i haven't been that relaxed since, i dunno like 5th grade? the spa was great, the therapists were great, and it was the perfect gift for me.

then we got home that night and my brother and sisterinlaw con ninas and my sister juli came up from ventura and sb. plus the boys came over and we all ate pizza and had ding dong cake. it was a nice end to a very relaxing day.

then tonight on my way home from work, i was forced to check my voicemail which i had been avoiding cuz there were 13 of them. as i checked them, i heard my neice singing me happy birhtday, and my brother singing some crazy made up song, my friend selina singing our 6th grade rendition of happy birthday, my mom, and various other friends and even my boss wishing me a happy birthday.

i am blessed. i am surrounded by solid people. people who i love, and that love me.
thank you for making my birthday lovely. thanks for the voicemails, and comments and texts that made me smile. thanks.